Federal Income Taxes: Legalized Theft

I said I was going to play poker last night. Some of those in the poorer parts of town may know that I really wasn’t at the weekday poker game. I was stealing from the poor. You know, those slackers who do not pay federal income taxes. I call it “pay back.”

I really do not confine myself to just poorer neighborhoods. Nearly half of all taxpayers paid no federal income taxes. Are you freaking kidding me? Hell, that means I can go through the richest neighborhoods and hit a few houses, too. Odds are I’ll hit one of the deadbeats.

My take from last night’s “poker game”? Fifty foot of garden hose (mine was getting old). A humming-bird feeder (we left ours at our old house). Nearly 10 gallons of gas siphoned out of that fool who left his gas tank unlocked. A new AM/FM radio (dude, lock the back window of your F-150 too). A new hub cap to replace the one the old lady lost hitting some pothole last winter. A Wall Street Journal and a Richmond Times-Dispatch. An angel statute that will look good in my rock garden. Aaaaand, a little girl’s bicycle (sure, I can’t use it, but I can sell it at my next yard sale).

Am I evil? Am I a thief? Am I a pig? I don’t think so. The f#cking government legalized theft when they said that the majority could steal from the minority via the “progressive” income tax. I’m one of the minority who gets stolen from every year, so I decided that a little pay back was in order. You M’Fers in the majority wanna stop with the “legalized theft” from me, I’ll stop with the illegal theft from you during my “poker games.” Until then, I can give you a good deal on a slightly used chainsaw that I picked up during last week’s “poker game.” Shoot me an e-mail for more details…

Oh, yeah. If you are missing something from your front yard, just consider it a "tax" from this citizen who is fed up with legalized theft.